Dr Alok Kanojia and Mel Robbins | Mel Robbins Podcast

In this discussion, Dr K reframes expectations when it comes to motivation. The premise is that we think about motivation as one thing when it isn’t one thing. It’s an internal drive that comes from emotions, comes from what you should be doing, comes from issues of ego and identity, or comparing yourself to something or someone.

We are always trying to make ourselves feel motivation, and if you feel motivated, you’re trying to make your life easy instead of being in control of yourself. If we’re always doing what we want, that controls our lives because that’s what you end up doing all the time. The key is to separate motivation. Take back control – do the thing whether you feel like it or not.

The other important point was willpower. Willpower is the conflict that is going on in our mind before we do something. It’s not actually the decision point. That conflict continues until we either do the thing, or don’t do the thing. Then willpower has left the room.

The key here, is having the awareness of how we acted, the decision we made and then understanding the results of our actions, whether good or bad. I’ts not about beating ourselves up, it’s about understanding ourselves better. The decision? Do we want the pain of not doing that thing for one day, or for one year.

This made a lot of sense to me, and I hope the reframe sticks.

Watch or listen to the talk here | 135 minutes