How many times have you heard some version of:

“If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you can’t”?

And how many times have you thought, “Clever words. Sounds good. Now, where did I put my shoes?” – and simply moved on with life?

But isn’t it time to take note? What if you paid more attention to your own thoughts?

When I started listening to myself more carefully, I realised that while I believed in going after what I wanted and gathering courage – there’s also an underlying narrative. Just beneath the surface there’s a different story, one of self-doubt. While not always obvious, it was – and is – a built-in feature.

I’m a realist. Most of my career has been in the corporate world, and I’ve tried to break the mold by gently nudging the sides of the silicon muffin tray. I’ve always had one part of me telling myself I could do it, and another telling me to get back in the oven.

It can be tiring, and easy to listen to the “stay safe” voice.

As I’ve taken a few more trips around the sun, my confident voice has become less tolerant of the negative one. I’m finding fewer reasons not to simply go for what I want.

Recently, I listened to Davina McCall and Susie Moore on a podcast about confidence. Susie Moore, a self-described “confidence coach,” said something that really stayed with me:

“Confidence is a willingness to be uncomfortable.”

It made me think of all the times I’ve avoided things or given up because I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. Now, I’m reconsidering what confidence really means. It’s not about being fearless, but about acknowledging the fear, investigating it and then moving forward anyway.  

The fact that there are so many motivational sayings about this makes it a cliché—but perhaps that’s because there’s truth in it.

Another conversation I heard, between Mark Manson and Drew Burney on the Solved podcast, delved into resilience. After discussing the research, one key mindset in resilience emerged: the belief that something is possible.

In Mark Manson’s own words:
“And this is where we get into some of the woo woo stuff. I have always ripped my entire career as being ridiculous and touchy-feely. But it turns out there’s something to it.”

He explained that psychological literature repeatedly shows a pattern. If you believe you can do something, you are more likely to do it.

Call it Manifestation. Call it confidence. It’s a thing.

One important caveat: trying to manifest winning the lottery while sipping on beers in your pool float – isn’t likely to work. When you start acting on something you believe you can achieve, you’re much more likely to make it happen—motivated by the belief that you can do it.

It makes sense: if you don’t truly believe you can achieve something, your chances of success aren’t great.

Take it a step further, ask yourself why you think you can’t achieve something. What’s that story about?

Stop.

Listen to yourself.

Move past the discomfort.

Ask where your story is coming from, and what’s stopping you from rewriting it.