As much as I’ve told myself to get used to being uncomfortable, it fascinates me how confusing and exhausting discomfort can be.

When it comes to the crunch – the moment I said I’d sit down and write something, or the due date creeping up to pay for a course I’ve told myself (and almost everyone I know) that I’m definitely doing – I hesitate.

I’ve been reflecting on Brene Brown’s words around the armour we reach for to protect ourselves when we’re afraid, and the hard work it takes to recognise that armour in the first place. I’ve worn it many times, and now I’m trying to shake it loose and make different choices.

But boy it can it be challenging when the moment actually arrives.

Here’s the deal

When something lies ahead, it’s easy to imagine how it might unfold, including all the ways it could go wrong. But once the decision is made, it’s made. That doesn’t stop your mind from scanning for escape routes, though, because the option to back out still exists.

So there I was, three days before a deadline to pay for a yoga teacher training course. I log on to finalise the flight (I’ve only booked half of it), arrange travel insurance and then actually pay for the course. It’s not an insignificant amount of money.

I’ve told myself I’m doing this. I’ve saved the money. So why can’t I just click the buttons?

• I’ve told myself it’s because it’s Monday.
• I’ve told myself it’s because I’m still a little jet lagged.
• I even convinced myself that World War 3 was kicking off because of the conflict in the Middle East.

But the truth is, I was trying to find excuses for not confirming and fully committing. There’s no going back, no refund after I click the button.

Was that really my concern? If I dig a little deeper, I’m hearing the voice that’s saying; “You’re wasting your time. You don’t actually think you’re going to be a yoga teacher at your age do you? I’m tired at the thought of filling in the form, never mind teaching a class. You’ve told everyone you’re doing this now; you can’t pull out. Or can you? Do you want to?”

It’s all very tiring.

Morning energy is real

I shelved it for the following morning. I would confirm first thing – once caffeine and dopamine levels have peaked and I’ve hopefully found 20 minutes to myself on my mat – that’s when I’d go ahead and click the buttons.

I would go for it, despite the fear, despite the voice, despite the war.

One day later

I did it. I clicked, I paid. I waited for the floor to move under my feet. Nothing of the sort.

Instead, after feeling momentarily numb, a little excitement crept in – and then a little pride. To someone else, it may not seem like a big thing, but for me, that moment mattered. I felt proud that I went ahead despite the fear, and confident enough in myself that I’d prepared and challenged myself appropriately.

And with that out of the way, my energy is now focused on preparing for what lies ahead, rather than spending it on constant reasoning, justification and doubt.

That energy is real.