Have you ever been in a conversation and thought to yourself, “Am I boring this person?”

I’m sensitive to losing someone’s attention, and it feels easier than ever these days. Attention spans are in short supply thanks to the way we consume content and the influence of algorithms designed to keep us scrolling.

I recently listened to a podcast episode of The Diary of a CEO, where Steven Bartlett spoke with Dr Alison Wood Brooks, a behavioural scientist and the O’Brien Associate Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School.

During the discussion, she referenced the course she teaches based on the TALK principles — a framework developed to help us have better conversations.

T is for topic.
The takeaway here is to go into most conversations that you know you’re going to have with a little preparation. Even if it’s with a friend or colleague, it can be helpful to spend a few minutes recalling a previous conversation, something you have in common, or a topic you know they’re interested in. It gives you something to bring into the conversation and helps you avoid feeling stuck for words.

A is for asking.
Asking questions. I know this sounds obvious, but it’s not always easy to remember when you’re in the middle of a conversation. It’s about developing genuine interest in people and having the curiosity to learn more about them or the topic you’re discussing. Even asking one extra question can be a game changer. After all, how else are we meant to learn more about one another?

L is for levity.
Bringing humour, lightness, or warmth into a conversation. This one can come more naturally to some people than others. We’re not all walking, talking comedians, but small moments of warmth can make a big difference – expressing gratitude, remembering something about someone, genuinely listening, or simply engaging with a smile.

K is for kindness.
Respect towards someone in a conversation matters. It can be as simple as remembering their name, listening without interrupting, or speaking in a respectful way. Self-awareness plays a big role here, by recognising the biases we may hold or the assumptions we might make before truly hearing someone out.

And if we do get it wrong (because we’re all human, and sometimes we’re tired, stressed, or distracted), kindness also means having the awareness to apologise, acknowledge it, and try to do better in that moment.

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So maybe the real question isn’t “Am I boring?” — it’s “Am I giving this conversation enough curiosity, warmth and attention to let it come alive?”